During what women believe to be the start of a budding romance, certainty about where the relationship is going is never questioned. To us, "it's in the bag" without necessarily saying this out loud. He calls, he tells me he misses me, asks me out often, is relentlessly sweet and thoughtful. I am always on cloud nine and unapologetically unable to wipe the grin off my face. I am in love with him and although he hasn't said so yet, I am sure he loves me back.
Therein lies the tragedy. With men, until he hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend, you are not on safe ground. No matter how few the minutes are between his text messages or his phone calls, even if he has tried to hold your hand, carefully picked off the eyelash from under your eye, and wiped the crumb that was perched on your upper lip, assume that he just wants to be friends. Assume otherwise and you'll be in for a great big heartbreak.
I am not trying to build a community of skeptics and cynics through this column but to warn all the women out there to tread the waters carefully before jumping in.
Men are almost formulaic - especially those who have remained single after 25. When faced with the same given in the same situation, no matter where they come from, they will all do the same thing.
Enter the questions women love to ask: (1) Why hasn't he called me the past few days? (2) If he likes being with me so much, why doesn't he leave his girlfriend/wife for me?
As much as we would like to fall back into thinking that men are idiots and need a little shove into the right direction, I advise you to please keep your hands where they are. Do not text, call or make a bigger fool of yourself. There is just one answer to all three questions: he doesn't love you enough. Let's take each situation one at a time.
He hasn't called you the past few days ... Women will immediately assume that something's wrong. His cellphone is off, he is sick, he got into an accident, he's upset with me etc. We spend hours trying to think of what could possibly be preventing him from calling us. Once we come up with the most logical answer, e.g. he is sick, we decide to text him. We say to ourselves, "okay lang for me to text him, at least he'll think that I care about him and that I'm thoughtful. Plus, once lang naman to e. After this, i'll never initiate texting." More brazen women would come right out and ask the guy, "Why haven't you called me?" Whenever my women friends tell me they did this, I visibly cringe and have to stop myself from hitting them over the head. You see, men's initial feelings for a woman are not usually carved in stone. How they feel about you is very much like writing on the sand. You have to be careful so that they don't change their minds about you. My guy friends who confide in me (voluntarily) have the same facial statement when they tell me about the girl who asked them that question, "Why haven't you called me?" They look like they have the heebie-jeebies. They freak out and are this close to complaining about this. They haven't called you because they don't feel like it. They might feel like it later but at the moment they don't so they won't. They are aware you exist and don't need you to remind them about it. They will let your first call go this time but already, they are leaning toward "not feeling like calling you" on a long-term basis. Do you want that? I don't think so. They also tell me that men are entitled to change their minds the way women do. They are also flaky and "not sure" all the time.
He hasn't left his girlfriend or his wife for you. Sometimes men are looking for icing on the cake in the form of a woman friend who plugs in all the gaps that his better half cannot fill. She is usually somebody with slightly different qualities than his mate. He enjoys being with her, calls her all the time, consults with her about life-altering decisions but does not really come out and make a decision about who he wants to be with simply because he is in a "safe place." He has the best of both worlds and doesn't need to make a choice. If he hasn't left her for you yet, chances are, he won't. Telltale signs she is still his priority: When she calls and asks him to pick her up, he hurriedly finishes his meal and tells you that he has to go. When you ask him out on days when he has to take her home, he'll say he can't. You notice that you are only together when his schedule permits it and when seeing you doesn't conflict with his time with her. You get the crumbs. This kind of arrangement only tells you that he doesn't love you enough to forsake his girlfriend for you. If he takes a chance by leaving her for you, you're sure that he loves you. Most men would stay with the safe, the tried and tested over risking everything. It takes a lot for them to, believe me. Obviously, you don't want to be second best or the pangtawid-gutom.
Find someone who will make you his only priority. Although they pretend and seem otherwise, men are not idiots when it comes to matters of the heart. They know full well what they want out of the relationship. They do not need to be rescued by you. They don't need hints, carefully crafted text messages or highway billboards that promise them a bed of roses with you. If they really like you, they will do anything to get you to like them back. You just have to sit there and wait for your nails to dry. Trust me. I can get enough signatures from the creeps to validate this.
Enough said.